Many prisoners do not know they had the choice to commit the crime, they feel they are bad and bad people commit crimes, they too were babies once long ago, domestication may have included all types of child neglect, abandonment, physical, verbal, abuse, guilt and shame they say “because I am bad, therefore I do bad things, ” I have learnt about validation and children and discovered. It is important for children to know they are valid to know they matter. Children develop the idea if my feelings do not matter then I do not matter.
Behaviour involves an action and a feeling when we punish or discipline a child’s behavior we tell them their actions were wrong or bad as well their feelings. As we grow up we learn we sometimes feel angry, sad upset, envy, rejected, hopeless, helpless, ashamed, denial. It is okay to feel these emotions. It is the action that results in the discipline or punishment.
A child may have felt the reason he hit his friend is valid. If we trust children to choose their feelings we could say “How did it feel to hit your friend” The child may say “it felt great”. We could then say “How does it feel, to not have him as a friend’. The child may say sadly, “It does not feel good.” thus the child learns their feelings matter, however, their actions have consequence. Most people in prison feel they commit crime because they are bad, thus bad people commit the crime. Most inmates do not know they have a choice to feel how they feel, because their feelings were taught that they are bad therefore the inmate feels themselves is bad If we get rid of the words that judge a human as good or bad or right or wrong we find a human that has the basic positive intention to feel better. The child who hit his friend knows that his action had a consequence, therefore, does not become the adult child later in life who stabbed his friend. The child knows his feelings matter and is not bad thus he is not bad however is responsible for his feelings. He learned it is okay to feel angry but learns how to positively handle his anger. When we tell someone to stop being angry it is bad, most likely this will anger someone more however if we ask someone who is angry what they are afraid of it allows a person to feel their feelings, if we listen to that person describe their feelings without judging, shaming, excusing, fixing, blaming, helping, denying those feelings when we listen with empathy we show people their feelings matter thus they matter. Children grow up knowing their feelings matter, however, actions have consequences How many people in the world judge themselves as good or bad how many people in the world need to be right or wrong? What if people knew that everything they feel matters. I believe depression is deep repressed emotion and the cure is to deeply express emotions to release feelings in order for relief. in order to release emotions, one must listen to how they feel and know that they can validate their feelings to prevent themselves from a negative action if people knew they can do this I wonder how many people would feel about ending up in prison? The reason this has become a difficult concept is words hold power. Look at the power and effects of Hitler’s word. The entire world was in bloodshed. How many soldiers knew that they had a choice? Hitler did not pull their triggers. Hitler’s words sure had people believing they had to. This is the effect of the word, but ultimately no one can make anyone because words have full effect but they do not have full control. If someone is hitting me, I can choose to feel happy most likely I won’t, but it is still my choice as to what I feel. For thousands of years, parenting books teach us to control our child’s behavior. If a young girl grows up believing she is bad and becomes a people pleaser, searching for validation she believes others can control her feelings and actions. She then finds partners that think they can also. This is the perfect match to abuse, a mental abuser can later tell her and everyone that he did not make her, and thus she ends up labeled as playing the victim. Every single person should know that no one can make them feel an emotion like anger. Have you ever said he or she made me angry? Have you ever wondered how it is physically possible. Words have effect, not control. Not every parent believes validating feelings over 90% of the world population believes in controlling behaviour by discipline or punishment. Behaviour is made up from both action and feelings, Do not get me wrong I believe negative actions need to have a consequence however feelings should always be addressed so the child who was sexually abused does not later become a rapist, not knowing that he did so because of a deep repressed emotion.
Thousands of prisons release inmates whom feel angrier than before they went to prison, every day. When we throw an angry rapist, thief, murderer etc. in prison and release him without addressing his or her feelings, with no money, clothes, food or shelter. What do we expect will happen? I suggest consequence and healing centres above prisons, however will settle for a few self help books being placed in remands and institutions. I was told most prisons only carry paperback novels and most have the final chapters ripped out. Most people in prison pay over and over for someone else’s mistake. A child who grows up with parents whom fight in front of them feel it is their fault they feel they are to blame. They become angry and this anger pays for someone else’s mistake. A child whose parents spend more time on the computer then they do listening grows up to believe their feelings do not matter.They feel they are bad and thus do bad things not ever knowing different.. Every child should look in the mirror and say I am ________ name. My feeling s matter I matter.back to prisoners though,
If the guard finds a schiv, every inmate gets 24 hour lock down. Yes these angry prisoners do not respect feelings because no one has ever respected theirs. They were children whom at one point in life grew up believing they were bad because they felt bad things like anger and jealousy, but never having been validated they never knew that they were not bad people their feelings were not bad however because they were not taught that actions are being punished not feelings they get released not caring about anyone’s feeling, most prisoners will end up reoffending, that is why we live in fear. Do you believe that people are good or bad, How do you hold a baby and judge that baby as being good or bad. What that baby becomes is a result of his or her domestication. Are we going to let the government and books tell mothers how to raise their children or trust parents to feel what is best for their children?
Imagine good and bad mean the same as well right and wrong try to eliminate judging anyone including especially you self for as long as possible.